Women Are Sleep Walking Towards A Divorce
Midlife consultants Overton Smith, state that women inadvertently exclude their husbands over the Christmas holidays and may be driving them into the arms of other women.
Bernie Overton, said,
“The breakdown of a long relationship is a complex thing with a number of factors involved, but there’s no doubt, that many men and women approach Christmas with diametrically opposed objectives and the fallout can be the last straw. The first two weeks of January are always the busiest of the year at solicitors’ offices and the way that a lot of women behave, can be a contributory factor.”
Overton Smith act as confidential consultants, and mainly work with men as they grapple with a range of personal issues.
“The story that we hear over and over again, is that men feel excluded from their own home – they feel generally very detached from family proceedings, and at no time is that feeling stronger, than at Christmas and New Year. Now we know that there are two sides to this and that a lot of men don’t tend to be proactive in helping to make arrangements, but if a woman just goes ahead and organises family events and social things with friends, that she knows her husband isn’t going to like, then she could be playing with fire.”
Whilst it could be too late for some people caught up in the rush to the solicitor, there is always time to avoid a divorce. Statistically, more divorces are initiated by women, but that often follows behaviour which is deemed to be unacceptable by their partners. The majority of men that Overton Smith speak to are already having an extra-marital affair, but in most cases, they were ‘ensnared’ by younger women who sensed that they were unhappy in their marriage.
Helen Moore of Overton Smith continued,
“Time and again, solicitors report that people head into divorce in a highly-charged state without thinking through all the consequences and once they are engaged in the legal process, relations between the two parties can often deteriorate rapidly. The fall-out, both emotionally and financially can be huge. We specialise with working with men (although sometimes with women too) and helping them to ride the crisis period and to talk through the issues. We are not counsellors and we refer people on for specialised help if it is apparent that it is required. But men in particular, often have nobody that they can confide in about their deepest, darkest secrets, and by talking things through with us, we can provide a useful safety valve. Our objective isn’t to save marriages, because after all, it may be a relationship that has run its course, but we do aim to stop men taking precipitous actions in the midst of a personal crisis which can have catastrophic effects on their work, home life and family.”
Top tips for women
Avoid excluding men from arrangements – even though you may really want to have that huge party with all your friends, if you know that your partner is going to hate it, it might not be worth the hassle. Discuss things and find a compromise. Strive for a balance when it comes to inclusion for all members of the family. Think back to your focus this Christmas. Did you get the balance right? Children are a huge part of Christmas and a lot of men in a happy relationship are delighted to make them the centre of attention. But if your relationship is in a bit of a rocky patch, men can perceive that their wives are neglecting them in favour of the children. Beware of this dynamic and try and head off jealousies between men and children – try and find some time for you to relax as a couple. In essence, try to make social events throughout the year, a positive experience
Top tips for men
Although you may be desperate to get back to work and the flexibility to see your friends/girlfriend, is the grass really greener on the other side? If you are feeling excluded from home, and your behaviour outside of it, is becoming more reckless, you may need to talk to somebody before you hit a major crisis Separation and divorce is a major step and not one to be taken lightly – talking to a solicitor early on is sound advice if your relationship has totally broken down, but it can be better to seek other advice first.