Wading through the mud, rudder-less, confused, falling apart?
I too have been a little all over the place, so many possibilities, knowing that the future will be AMAZING, seeing so much potential, so many things I could and can do… but feeling rudderless. Until today! I spent some time allowing, just allowing it to be that way, accepting that it’s OK, not forcing. I did some letting go… that old chestnut of writing a letter (a very intense, emotional and freeing letter at that, with lots of tears), and hey presto, a bolt of amazing clarity came. I could see with so much brilliance and amazing cohesion, where I could head if I chose to. (The choosing to is then the important part.). And man, oh man it feels good, actually it’s so exciting and amazing I’m welling up!
For those in contact with me, who are struggling and feeling disconnected in many ways, I keep saying…. “great, it’s a really deep clearing”. That must drive people nuts… what an annoying person I can be! But I know that a head cold when we’re doing some deep healing is brilliant, it’s a great release of old stuff, deep cellular memories clearing (as we say in the healing world), I know that bone pain during deep healing again can be our bodies letting go process, I know that feeling exhausted is our body saying – “stop, can’t you see I’m busy healing, I can’t go out, stop pushing” (or something like that). I now that when you feel like you’re falling apart,, it could well be part of a process, it could well be that we need to fall apart in order to be our true selves. The thing is I’ve been there, done that, continue to be there and do that (although to a much lesser degree.. and you’ll get to that point too, it gets easier and easier, promise!) and I know that coming through the other side, I’ve always felt so much better, so much more connected, been so much more abundant. So when I see it in others, I see the sparkly gift that it is (in bad wrapping).
My lovely Astrology teacher, Nick Hughes wrote this, which I hope helps you to see and feel the energies that are for the next few weeks, helping us on our healing journeys.
And as ever, if you feel stuck, would like some help in finding clearer waters with a straight and focused (yet flexible) rudder, you know where to find me .
Sending you love!
“Although the Full Moon, 25 February, (was) in Virgo, it is Pisces, the sign opposite, that is the main astrological focus of next few weeks. From Tuesday morning (this week)Venus entered Pisces and joined the Sun, Mercury, Mars, Chiron and Neptune all of which are in the sign already. All these planets will remain in Pisces for two weeks after which they slowly, and one at a time, start to move on into the sign of Aries.
This concentration of planets in Pisces will bring out the themes of confusion, idealism, romanticism, dissolution, loss and sorrow. Whereas Virgo is the seen as the sign of efficiency, details and practical order, Pisces is one of chaos where boundaries are eroded and individuality is undermined. In Pisces, an individual is not such a defined entity, its edges blur and merge into the collective. This can bring about a deep sense of identity crisis. Who am I? What are my goals? Where am I heading? What do I want to be? These are all deep questions that none of us can answer completely with confidence. However, during a strong Pisces period they can start to unravel even more. That ability to sense the edges of myself, where I end and the outer world begins can become increasingly eroded and on a deeper level the ebb and flow of collective consciousness can be sensed to influence the previously impermeable core of me. The reality is that the core of me is not impermeable, it never has been, but it is only in these Piscean times that I can begin to connect with that reality. This sense that my desires, hopes, fears and even the essence of who I am is created and constantly modified by forces beyond my control can be highly disconcerting and the cause of much of the anxiety and disorientation that Pisces is prone to.
There is a tendency for people to spin out, feel like they are losing the plot and be taken over by paranoia as our striving for clear definition of our place in the world breaks down. Pisces wants to take us from a compartmentalised life of limitations to one which is unlimited and without borders. This sounds very nice and we may even try to bring this about ourselves but the fact is that the human mind does not handle the unlimited very well. It likes to create boxes and live in them as it provides containment so we know where we are. In Pisces we do not know where we are, we do not even know who we are and this is both liberating and frightening.
The other aspect of Pisces is loss, sacrifice and sorrow. Intense Pisces periods such as this can bring about in us moods of melancholy and wistfulness. It is not the heavy darkness of Scorpio, or the pain that personal attachment can bring in Cancer. It is often more diffuse than these, a vague feeling of pervasive sadness that you cannot pin down. It disappears when you are engaged with doing things but inevitably returns when the mind is less occupied. Rather than see this as a troubling feeling that you try to shut out by keeping busy, it is good to give time to this as it can be of great benefit to us and to humanity. While Pisces may stir up feelings of existential suffering it also facilitates, though stillness, non-attachment and compassion, the deep release of such sorrow. These few weeks where Pisces is dominant is an ideal time to allow any deep sadness inside to come up, be felt and be released like scattering ashes into the ocean. In particular, a dissolving of the identification with a trauma is possible so it no longer is my wound, my hurt that I cling to.
Mercury has just turned retrograde in Pisces and will be going backwards over old ground until it stations and goes forward again from 17 March. This retrograde phase of Mercury can bring out old issues of the past that haven’t been completed physically, emotionally or spiritually. As it is in Pisces, the goal is not to find specific answers or solutions to these challenges but more to face the feelings that accompany them. As with all Mercury retrograde periods, trying to plan the future and begin new things is more challenging during this time. With all this water around it is best to go with the flow and see where the currents take you.”