As soon as I found out I was pregnant, that first day, I freaked out. Totally. My hubby was ecstatic, but not me, I first said, ' I am not ready for this'! but by that second day, I felt something had shifted inside me. I was 34, so why was I thinking I was not ready? What I realised was it was all fear.
Fear was keeping me from being happy that first day. Fear of myself not being good enough as a parent, and fear for being super duper scared of the actual labour. These fears began many many years inside of me, I always thought of being a parent as something I did not want to do due to the fear of going through pain during the birth process. I was quite happy to think about adopting if I wanted a child - rather than desiring my own. But, the universe had other plans for me. It was time for me to face all of my fears.....
Children are a gift (well they should be seen as that) and they are sent to us, to teach us things (probably to teach us way more than we teach them!) and for us to nurture and guide, rather than control and dictate too.
After I realised it was true, I was definitely pregnant, my first selfish reaction to avoid facing my fears was, 'Oh I want to have a C section, I must have one! I dont want to go through the labour!'. I had no idea, that a horrific birth did not have to be the case for everyone - that there were thousands of women giving birth naturally and having wonderful experiences through learning relaxation techniques such as that of hypnobirthing.
I also quickly realised that a C section should be avoided at all costs if possible because it can really cause problems long term for the baby. It can certainly be a life saving treatment for many women and their babies, but today, way too many mums are having them. It can cause problems with bonding, with breast feeding and the immunity for the baby. Even the hospitals prefer women to have a more natural birth. So, after I got over my selfish wish for a C section, I decided I had to get over my fears and face them. And I was going to do whatever it took!
I spent many hours on Youtube watching births where the mothers had practiced the techniques and was amazed! So many of them made no sounds, were so in the zone and did not need any form of pain relief and no pushing was needed to 'get the baby out'. Instead, they 'breathed' the baby down and out it popped into the world - no horrible crying either, the baby was soon content in it's mothers arms. I watched one after the other and saw a similar pattern. The mother was so 'deep within' and just in a zone where she was letting her own body do it's job.
After reading about the history of child birth and how horrific it became with medical intervention and looking at the stats today with so many horrific births going on and many drugs being administered, I realised as a society we had been conditioned to fear birth. Take a look at the TV and movies, do they ever depict a relaxing birth? Hell no! it's always horrible and scary and quite violent. And for someone like me, who has been watching tv since I was super young, those messages have been placed very deep into my subconscious.
So over the last 4 months or so, I have been working very hard to get those deep seated fears out. I have attended a brilliant Hypnobirthing course, listened to the cd a million times, read a few books and practiced the technique with my husband - which is a great way to bond with him. You realise that the birthing partner has a HUGE roll in this process. In fact, without his support I would probably not be able to do it on my own. Most husbands/partners, just pace up and down waiting for the baby to come out, or standing by the side of the mother - but with hypnobirthing, they play a massive part of bringing the baby into the world. How special will it be for all of us to have this experience together?
We are planning on having a home water birth which to some is a scary ordeal. But to me, the hospital environment would scare me so much more. Who likes hospitals? Who feels comfortable when they go there? Surely no one?
So for me, I have planned a safe place to give birth - at my new home in the country. If it all goes to plan, I will have my doula there (I cannot recommend getting a doula more and will be writing about her soon too!!) and a midwife, husband and hopefully my babies godmother who is also a hypnotherapy teacher all by my side, helping me get through the experience.
I have been doing lots of EFT as well, which is the Emotional Freedom Technique which involves tapping areas of face and the body. Its SO powerful for unlocking deep seated fears. I always feel instantly better. As soon as my labour starts, I will be doing a few sessions of that too.
A few people have tried to tell me that having a natural birth is 'impossible.' But, it's only because they weren't able to do that. They had horrific hospital experiences themselves and never knew that there could be another way. After all, who would go through something so bad, if they didn't have to? That's why they can't believe that hypnobirthing works.
I believe it DOES work, due to all of the thousands of testimonials, the fact that so many people are becoming hypnobirthing teachers and the proof that on youtube for all to see, are hundreds of videos showing the process - and that it CAN work. Maybe not for all that is true.... I have had some friends who practiced with the CD and read the book but sadly, were not able to have a partner who supported them 100% with it. You need to have two people believe that it works and you really need to practice the technique together very regularly. It would take someone who is a pro at meditation to do it on their own without a partner.
My own husband has marvelled at what happens to me when we practice it. He can see how deeply under I go, and I feel it too. If I am still freaking out a bit about the whole process, I only have to practice the technique to feel instantly calmed and excited that soon our daughter will be here!
My hubby has gone from being a skeptic in all of this, to a big believer. He initially wanted me to go to a hospital, but because he is so open minded, he read the information I showed him, with the statistics that for a low risk healthy pregnancy, a home birth is actually far safer than going to hospital, (you are more likely to have medical intervention you see, if you go to hospital) and is now all for what we are planning. It's been an amazing journey so far, and I know its just the start.
I am praying that I can do this, I have certainly done the work, and I really want to do it for all of you out there, to show you that it is possible. But, I am only human and I do not know what is going to happen. I believe that sometimes we cannot control things in our lives but I am certainly going to do my best, to bring my child into the world in a calm and serene environment. Don't get me wrong, I know it probably wont be a walk in the park, but I do believe it can be much less scary than I have always thought!
I plan to video the event and put it on youtube if it all goes to plan!
Wish me luck!