Part 8 – Top Ten Parenting Mistakes
Everyone is designed to put themselves first. Parents often make decisions based upon their own needs. Good parents put their child’s needs over
their own most of the time. A parent who regularly puts their own needs of their child’s may create a disturbed adult, because the long-term message is that the child doesn’t matter.
Thus, when a child says how they feel, it is important for a parent to acknowledge that feeling most of the time, even if the decision must be to go against the feeling. For example,
the child says, “I hate homework.” The parent may say something like, “I am so sorry you hate homework. We need to make homework more enjoyable, don’t we. How do you think we can do
that?” Or, maybe a parent could say, “You know, how much you appreciate homework may affect the quality of your life as an adult. Attitude is so important. So, do you want to sit next to me and do your homework?”
S. Faye Snyder, PsyD, is a child and forensic psychologist and marriage and family therapist specializing in attachment and trauma. She is the originator of The Causal Theory, a tangible way of understanding how lifelong behavior and personality traits, healthy and unhealthy, arise from parenting. Snyder founded the Parenting and Relationship Counseling (PaRC) Foundation, where she is the clinical director.
Who says kid’s don’t come with a manual? Now they do! Dr Faye believes that parents need good theory as well as clinicians. With good theory they can parent better and self-correct as well. The Manual is not just for parents, the information enables adults to objectively evaluate their own childhood lessons and even ‘re-parent’ themselves on their own or with the help of therapy.